


us sounds good to me

by anythingbutplatonic



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Episode coda - 7.3.19, Fluff, Intimacy, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Mentions of Gordon, Soft Husbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 03:50:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18328061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anythingbutplatonic/pseuds/anythingbutplatonic
Summary: “Rob?” he asked, keeping his gaze locked on their entwined hands, their rings. glinting silver in the low light of the living room.“Mm?” Robert hummed, frowning slightly. It wasn’t a frown of concern, but one of curiosity.“I really am sorry,” Aaron started in a quiet voice, “for….going all crazy on ya and making a mug of meself, and for upsettin’ ya…” He ran his thumb over Robert’s knuckles, once, twice, three times. “For hurtin’ ya, with how I’ve been actin’ about all the surrogacy stuff.”





	us sounds good to me

Both drowsy with food and a glass of wine or two each, they ended up on the sofa in front of an old re-run of  _Top Gear_ , Liv having gone up to her room to work and, somehow, sensing that they needed some time to themselves. Aaron gravitated towards Robert the way he always did, bringing his knees up to his chest and curling against him so that he could rest his head on his husband’s shoulder, inhaling the calming scent of his cologne and letting the natural rise and fall of his chest lull him into contentment.

It had been a difficult couple of days. He’d embarrassed himself, mortified an innocent woman who had been nothing but kind and understanding, and worst of all, he’d hurt Robert. 

It was enough to make him feel sour on the inside, the little voice in his head piping up and telling him screaming at him,  _you’re selfish and childish, you don’t care about Robert at all, do you? Stealing from your own spouse. You’re a terrible person, aren’t you? You know you are. Stop lying to yourself._

_You don’t deserve him_.

On the worst days, that voice sounded like his father’s. 

It had sounded like Gordon today, watching Robert move around the house in stony silence, not a nod or a glance put his way. 

_Selfish. Immature. Unworthy. Unlovable_.

Aaron squeezed his eyes shut against the echo in his mind, the grind of his jaw drowning out the sound of Jeremy Clarkson talking about the specs of whatever car it was they were showcasing. He tried to focus on the things he could feel, the things he knew were true.

He was sitting on his sofa, in his house. Robert was next to him, warm and reassuring, his cheeks slightly pink from the wine they’d drunk with dinner. Robert loved him.

Robert loved him.

“ _Let’s get back to us for a bit, yeah?”_

_“Us sounds good to me.”  
_

Swallowing hard, he shifted, nuzzling his husband’s shoulder for comfort, the material of his shirt soft against his cheek. Slowly, he untangled his hand from its awkward position and reached across to find Robert’s own, his fingers twitching and hesitant. He linked their fingers together, tight and strong, and it gave him courage.

“Rob?” he asked, keeping his gaze locked on their entwined hands, their rings. glinting silver in the low light of the living room. 

“Mm?” Robert hummed, frowning slightly. It wasn’t a frown of concern, but one of curiosity. 

“I really am sorry,” Aaron started in a quiet voice, “for….going all crazy on ya and making a mug of meself, and for upsettin’ ya…” He ran his thumb over Robert’s knuckles, once, twice, three times. “For hurtin’ ya, with how I’ve been actin’ about all the surrogacy stuff.”

A beat of silence. A nod of agreement from Robert. “Thank you. I guess I just felt a bit betrayed, s’all. I wish you would have just talked to me.”

“I know, I know,” Aaron conceded. “I promised I would and I went back on that promise and that…that wasn’t okay, Robert. I  _hurt_  ya, and I promised I never would again. Only I got baby fever and messed all that up.”

At that, Robert turned on the sofa so that he was facing Aaron, their entwined hands resting between them. His eyes were earnest and sincere as he replied, “Hey, hey, it’s all water under the bridge now. It’s forgotten. And I understand.” Robert blinked slowly, and Aaron was surprised to see that he was blinking back tears. 

“I miss Seb, too,” he whispered, his voice hoarse, and Aaron’s own eyes watered as he bit down on his bottom lip hard and touched his forehead to Robert’s, leaning in so that they were nose to nose. He could see the exact shade of brown of Robert’s freckles, the slope of his nose. The blue-green of his eyes underneath thick lashes speckled with tiny droplets of unshed tears. 

“I really do wanna have a baby with ya,” Aaron said, sniffling hard. 

“I told ya, a whole football team,” Robert laughed wetly, smiling. “And that’s a promise, Aaron. It’ll happen for us.”

“I think I’m gonna make an appointment to see me counsellor,” Aaron blurted, before he could stop himself, and he was surprised by the fact that he hadn’t made the decision until the words were out of his mouth. “If ya - if ya wanna come with me? We could - we could talk about Seb there, and how much we miss him?”

Robert kissed him, and the kiss tasted like salt and red wine. “I’d love to come with ya. It feels like I haven’t been able to talk about him properly, and - I’d like to.” A pause. “I love you, Aaron.”

“Love ya too,” he replied. “Muppet.”

“ _Your_  muppet, though,” Robert said, but there wasn’t any malice in his tone. Just tenderness and sincerity that made Aaron’s heart swell. 

“Yeah, I s’pose you are,” Aaron smiled. 

And it was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> originally written mar 7th 2019


End file.
